Oops
by Cl2.NaCL
Summary: dis shit is lit thought the author as they regularly turned engines into humans. sadly, the drivers did not think so
1. Chapter 1

It was night on the island of Sodor. The crickets near Tidmouth Sheds were oddly silent, noted Thomas, as his fireman cooled his firebox. As his door clanged shut, his fireman, Sandy hopped down from the cab.

"Night, Tommie." He said, patting Thomas' buffer. "Keep an eye out for James. Word's gone around that he isn't feeling the best of ways."

"Okay! Sure!" Responded Thomas, already drifting off to sleep.

Thomas slowly opened his eyes when he heard the sound of pistons. James had backed into his stall, next to Edward. Curious, Thomas listened without a sound."Hello, Edward." James mentioned, startling the old engine awake. Well, actually, James and Edward are roughly the same age. "Are you awake?"

"Now I am." Replied Edward softly, blinking his eyes slowly. "What do you need?"

"First off, I'm really sorry for waking you up at this time of night."

"Oh, that's quite alright. We haven't talked like this in ages!"

"But I have come to ask you something. What if we woke up as humans?"

"Oh, I suppose…", Wondered Edward, "I think everything would be okay."

"Oh. Thanks." Replied James, all pride lost in his voice.

"James, are you okay? You pulled the Kipper voluntarily, didn't complain about pulling trucks, and I haven't seen you all day! Is something bothering you?"

"Nothing." Came the reply. "You should sleep, Edward. Goodnight!"

"Oh…"

Thomas disregarded the whole conversation completely. It didn't seem to any importance to him, although, he remembered Emily saying something to him about James always weeshing a little more steam. It was nothing.

The day dawned bright and early above the Island of Sodor. Everything seemed calm as the Kipper was prepared. But looks can be deceiving.

The first scream came from Henry.

"My god!" He yelled. "Gordon, Percy, Thomas, anyone, help!"

Lo and behold, a naked Henry was stumbling around the yard. The human Henry was well over six feet tall and built like a heavy lifter. Then, Percy also half-crawled, half stumbled into the yard.

"Henry! Is that you? We look like humans!" Percy screamed.

"That's because we are humans!" Yelled Edward, who was trying to find something to, well, cover up with.

Soon, all the engines were awake, butt-naked and scared. Well, all except Gordon, who was complaining about how cold he was. They were completely oblivious to the fact that they were all naked, until their drivers came along.

"Oi! You there! Out, or we call the police!"

"Sandy?" Yelled Thomas, wobbling over to his driver.

"Oh, my god. My god. God!" Sandy exclaimed, shedding his jacket and draping it over Thomas' bare shoulders.

"You all need some clothes." James' driver, Ed, called after realizing that Emily was naked along with the rest of the engines. Well, all except Edward, who had the sense to drape a blanket found in his cab.

"And what about the locomotives?" Asked Max, Edward's driver, peeking around the corner.

"My god! They are the same- no faces!"

"Nevermind the engines." Replied Sandy. "Just give them your coats and usher them into the break room! Quickly, now!"

Everyone did as they were told. The engines (or humans) had a hard time walking, so with their driver's coats hanging over their shoulders, the held onto their driver's hands as they slowly got the hang of walking.

Ed opened the door, and the newly-humanized engines walked (or half-wobbled) into the sitting room, plopping down onto the sofa and floor, still completely oblivious the fact that they were naked. This made their drivers and firemen uncomfortable, for they had their privates exposed for the world to see.

Edward was turned away, embarrassed. "Well, at least he's got a sense of dignification." Mentioned his driver, Max, as he gave Edward a night-shirt. Hastily, Edward pulled it over his body, as he had seen numerous people do.

Sandy turned to the new humans. "You are humans."

Gordon made a face. Gordon was built almost the same way as Henry, except a little shorter. "Oh, the indignity." He moaned, patting himself down to get the feel of his body.

"Yes, that's where I would like to begin." Continued Sandy. "Your new bodies probably are unfamiliar to you."

Thomas raised his hand, just as he had seen numerous school children do. "What's this?" He asked, pointing to his genitalia. Everybody else looked down at theirs- except Emily.

"Mine's different!" She observed, earning herself a nightgown to drape over her body.

"That's, um, your privates. People might make fun, no, they will make fun of you for it. So, under no circumstances, do not show them to anybody."

Everyone immediately covered up, ears turning red.

There was a knock at the door. Sir Topham Hatt stalked in, and was taken aback by the amount of half-naked people in the room.

"My word! So this is where all the engines are!" He stated, looking over everyone. "Everybody here..is so...aesthetically pleasing?" He finished, repositioning his top hat. "I want Sandy and Ed to stay here. The rest of you, back to work!"

The shuffling of feet and 'yes sir's' filled the room. After everybody but Sandy and Ed were gone, Sir Topham Hatt turned to the eight. "I expect that Ed and Sandy will take you into town, and then it's back to work! I expect you all to be at my office at Knapford by eight in the evening." He said, as he gave a hundred pound note to each person.

Sandy and Ed whispered to each other, " _he is fucking rich!"_

The morning dragged on, with the two drivers giving the engines-um, new humans, a lesson on how to get dressed, eat, write (basically) and use the restroom.

Everyone was waiting in the waiting room, dressed in simple shirts and shorts. The drivers felt bad for Emily, because she didn't have a bra. But that didn't matter. What mattered was how, um, some of the males had gotten, _aroused_.

"Should we give them _the talk_?" Asked Sandy, looking at Ed.

"No, I don't think they would need that. They are innocent, after all."

"But, what if, they went into a love store by accident?"

"They wouldn't, I know that!" Replied Ed, making it final.

"Alright, let's catch the express and we'll drop you guys off at Vicarstown." Said Sandy, addressing the whole group.

"The express? Does that mean I'll get to see my coaches?" Asked Gordon, excitedly, as they made their way to the train station.

Gordon was right. But they didn't get to ride in the cab. They rode in the coaches. After the stationmaster blew his whistle, they felt the coaches lurch, then move.

Everybody was awed.

"So this is what it's like to ride in a coach." Wondered Thomas out loud, gazing out the window.

"My word! The ride is so bumpy!" Noticed Gordon, who was holding onto Henry's thigh. They still didn't know that this was considered an act of romantic intent. Actually, they all didn't know what romance, or even emotions were.

They approached the station, and as they got off, they batted like small children at the steam. Ed and Sandy had already explained the concept of currency to Edward, who had a steady grip on human ways.

"Good luck!" Ed and Sandy said as they shooed them off to the main street, where they could find some undergarments and clothing for themselves.

The first shop was a hit, it was, in fact, a retail store. Edward herded them all into the men's isle, where the ideal clothing was.

"Okay everyone, listen up. Pick out a shirt", he held up said garment, "That fits. Then bring it to me, you all need one!" He said, as Thomas, James, Gordon, Henry, Toby and Percy fanned out into the isles of shirts.

"Emily, come with me. You need a bra."

"A what?"

"A bra."

"What's that?"

"An undergarment which holds up your breasts." He mentioned to Emily's, who looked down.

"Huh. That would be nice, you know."

"I bet it would be."

Edward flagged down a bra fitter, who whisked Emily away into whatever she needed. Sighing, he looked back, only to find Gordon, who was holding up a blue shirt. As he got closer, he overheard Henry's And Gordon's conversation.

"Are you sure that would fit?" Asked Henry, holding it up to Gordon's torso.

"I don't know, does your shirt fit you?" Replied Gordon, mentioning at the green shirt with flowers that Henry had picked up.

"Actually," interrupted Edward, "You can try it on! Here, follow me to the fitting rooms." And with that, he led the way to the fitting rooms. Once they had arrived at their destination, Gordon pointed to the biggest one.

"C'mon, Henry, lets try it in there!" He said, completely losing the whole 'I am the best' attitude, and gaining an attitude of that of a child in a sweets shop.

"Oh, alright." Henry complied, letting Gordon drag him away into the small space. Before Edward could object that it wasn't a good idea (both men were quite large), Gordon had closed the door.

"Here, let me help you." Said Henry, chuckling at the way Gordon struggled to get the white cotton shirt over his head. "Hold up your hands!" He asked, and as Gordon complied, nevermind much groaning, Henry eventually slid the garment off.

"It's so cold!" Gordon complained, wrapping huge arms around a huge chest.

"Buck up, Gordon. Here." Henry tugged the blue shirt onto Gordon, who complained even more. In the end, the shirt fit loosely, which Gordon was happy about.

"Okay, now put your other shirt back on."

Gordon complained even more, groaning 'oh the indignity's' and complaining that Henry was taller. Finally, Henry finally managed to wrestle the white shirt back on.

Gordon then got his revenge.

Henry yelped as Gordon tore his shirt off, and as Henry jumped up and down for his other shirt, said: "Ha! Revenge!"

Henry groaned, giving up, and tugged on the green shirt.

"Does it look like it fits?" Inquired Henry, still flustered with Gordon.

"Yes, it does. A little tight around, the, um...what is it...shoulders." Was the review.

"Okay, then. Could you please give back my shirt?" Asked Henry, who was trying to pull off the green one.

Due to their size, (no, I mean really, these guys are large, like, Henry is 6'4" and Gordon is 6'2.5" and completely ripped), they were squished, and it was harder still after not having Gordon give him back his white shirt.

"Gordon! If anybody walks in on us, they might be thinking something else! Please give back my shirt!" Henry demanded, reaching, and sweeping the shirt out of Gordon's grip.

"Okay, fine. Hrmph." Pouted Gordon, who pushed back against Henry, who was leaning on the door.

But here's the catch: Gordon didn't lock the door. So the two tumbled out onto one another, right at the feet of an Emily clad in a dark green dress.

"Gay." Was all she said, as Gordon and Henry tried to untangle themselves.

"Sorry, what?" Asked Henry, dusting himself off.

"It's when two men have romantic intent towards each other." Explained wise old Toby, who was now wearing a tan button-up.

"Pah! I wouldn't fall in love with Henry!" Pouted Gordon, who stalked away to Edward to buy the shirt, along with Henry.

"Mm-hm." Mumbled Emily, elbowing Toby.

"Ow! Hey, I just gave the definition."

"Not that it's a bad thing." She countered, setting off with Thomas and Percy, with James following.


	2. Chapter 2

They had gathered outside, and were standing aimlessly around. Then, there was trouble!

"My firebox feels like it's gone out!" Complained Percy, patting his abdomen.

"Mine to!" Agreed Thomas, as he held onto his stomach.

"Thomas, Percy, I don't think humans have fireboxes." Henry worried, but his stomach was making the most noise.

"Everybody, calm down. What you are feeling is called hunger."

"Hunger?" Asked Gordon.

"Yes. We have to eat, like, a human's way of filling up on water and coal." Quickly explained Edward.

"So, how do we make it go away?" Groaned Percy. Poor Percy, he was the hungriest of most.

"By eating."

"Human food?"

"Yes." Was the reply.

Edward led away the group, as Gordon complained about Edward, of all eng-err, people, to be a leader. "Calm down, Gordon." James had said. "Edward knows more about this than any of us do, so it's only natural that he lead the group." Gordon had agreed, at last, seeing how convenient it was that Edward lead the group into the human world.

"What about this one?" Asked Edward. They had stopped in front of an American-style BBQ place, which looked okay to the starving Thomas and Percy.

"Why not?" Someone said, and everybody agreed.

"Okay, remember your manners!" Said Edward, who had pushed open the door.

Inside, it was a cheery room.

"Hello, and welcome to Fat Willy's. Seating for, um, eight?" Asked the woman at the podium.

"Yes, seating for eight."

"Okay, right this way."

Everyone looked in amazement at the humans eating, each engi-I mean, human, taking careful notes on how proper etiquette was used.

"Your waiter will be right with you." The waitress muttered, almost to herself.

"Okay, everyone, listen up. So here, you have to be polite." That earned snickers and funny looks towards James and Gordon, who just turned his nose up.

"No eating with your hands. And, use your utensils, as well as your napkin!" Explained Edward, who pointed to the proper items. "Be respectful. This is somebody else's place."

The new humans had trouble reading, so Edward just had to read it out to them.

"There's lemonade, milk, soft drinks, and water."

Gordon looked up. "What's lemonade?"

"It's a semi-sweet drink that kinda tastes like lemons. Show of hands, who wants that?"

Emily, Henry and Gordon raised their hands.

"Can we get milk?" Asked Thomas, fingering his silverware.

"Most certainly, Thomas."

"I would like one to!" Peeped Percy, who was on the edge of the booth seat.

"So two milks, and three lemonades, and two waters?"

"Yes." Came the reply from everyone else, who had started looking at the menu.

"Just to be sure, Henry, Emily and Gordon want lemonade, Thomas and Percy want milk, and James, Toby and I get water?"

Everybody nodded their heads in agreement. All except James, who was poking at the condiment bottles.

"Hello, I will be your waiter for today." A bright and cheery voice cut through the awkward silence. "My name's Joseph, and would you like to start off by ordering drinks?"

"Yes. We need three lemonades, two milks and three waters. That will be all."

"Okay, sure! Do you want to hold off on ordering food, or are you ready?"

"Sure. Let's see…" mumbled Edward. "Three baskets, baby back ribs, and two salads, no onion, with spinach."

"And that would be all?"

"Yes, sir!"

Joseph left, but grazed his finger along Gordon's cheek.

"Arugh! The indignity!" Groaned Gordon, desperately wiping at the spot where he had touched.

"I believe that's called 'flirting', Gordon." Remarked Emily, who was giggling.

"Flirting?" They all chorused, looking at Emily, who now had the task of explaining human emotion and romance to everyone, including Edward.

"Okay, here. Flirting is when two humans, or engines, or two anything do weird stuff."

"Like what?"

"Remember, how in the express, Gordon got so scared that he clutched Henry's thigh? That would be considered flirting."

Giggles erupted from the group, even Henry, as Gordon just looked down.

"I thought two men couldn't, um, do it with each other!" Commented Henry, who didn't know what dating, or marriage was.

"Yes they can. Remember?" Emily poked a finger right at Gordon's chest. "Gay."

"I am not!" He pouted, ears turning red.

"Are to."

"I am not gay!"

"Like we all believe that." She shot back , and the two went on and on until the food came.

Edward took a rather large knife, and held it in his hands for all to see.

"This is a knife." He said.

"You're not going to hurt yourself, are you?" Whispered always cautious Henry.

"No!" Chuckled Edward. "I use this to cut the meat."

"Oh."

Edward set about, slicing, if not a little clumsily, the ribs. He dished everyone two to three ribs, along with a spoonful of salad.

"So, we just put it into our mouths, and chew, then swallow!"

"Like this?" Thomas used his fingers, and bit off a piece of meat. The expression on his face was beyond explainable. After chewing and swallowing, he stared down at his food. "It's incredible. Do humans do this all the time?"

"Yes."

Everybody else took bites, and amongst mouthfuls of salad, and ribs, they chatted about what was happening on the railway, if any other engines got converted to humans, and emotions. Emily still thought that Gordon was gay.

They had spent the rest of the day at the park, where everyone enjoyed their new physical forms. After a series of 'tests', they determined that a person's build reflected that of their strength and age as an engine. Edward had narrow shoulders, like his narrow boiler. James was built the same way, but a little more muscular. Tomas was 5', and looked like the average high-schooler, the same with Percy, who was just 4'11. Gordon and Henry were built like Olympic track-stars. Huge shoulders, huge pecs, huge everything. (Get your mind out of the gutter!) And Toby, well, he looked like an ice-cream man.

"An Ice-cream man!?" Toby had yelled, as Emily giggled.

"Well, you do look like one."

Meanwhile, Gordon, James and Henry tried to wrestle each other down, Gordon's crushing weight pinning James to the ground.

"Uncle, uncle!" He cried, as Henry desperately tried to free his friend.

"Everyone, it's seven o'clock!" Shouted Edward, who looked at the setting sun. "We will walk to Knapford."

The walk was short, and as they piled into Sir Topham Hatt's office, they were still giggly.

"Edward, I trust that you kept them in line."

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then. The Duke and Duchess have agreed to let you stay in their summer house. I expect full cooperation, as well as saying 'please', 'thank you', 'yes ma'am', and the like.

"Yes sir."

"Spencer will take you to their grounds."

"Spencer! He didn't morph into a human form?"

"No, sadly, it was only you eight."

"Oh."

Spencer was waiting outside, and he looked at his special guests.

"I see, you are human. How delightful. Now I don't have to put up with your bickering, confusion and delay."

"Oh, be quiet. Your lucky, at least you get to pull trains."

After that, the ride was mostly peaceful, everyone had to admit, Spencer was pretty smooth. As the countryside flashed by, Gordon said something about preferring to pull the express. Everyone could agree, that they would rather be working instead of this.

ahahaha i made so many errors sorry!


	3. Chapter 3

As Spencer pulled into the mini-station, the Duke and Duchess were waiting for them, and quite excitedly so.

"Good evening, my dears. We are so excited to have you stay!"

"Hello, ma'am." They all peeped.

"As you can see, we have lots of room for extra guests. I expect full compliance- but you're in my hands now! Come along!"

Everybody waved goodbye at Spencer, who tooted his whistle and set off.

The summer house was huge. Everyone oohed and ahhed as they looked around, the extravagant furniture contrasted to the rather simple build. The Duchess then showed them to their rooms.

"I have prepared pyjamas for you. The only thing is, we only have four king-sized bed as of right now-you don't want to sleep on the couches. We have guests coming, and we would like them to be ready!"

No none knew what to make of this. First, they were humans, and second, they had to sleep with each other? Emily, of course, had to explain how awkward it was for two humans to sleep together.

"Okay, hup-hup everyone!" The Duchess reminded them, walking towards the laundry room to gather the pyjamas.

"Toby, do you want to share? You're kinda short, I'm kinda short, then we wouldn't have to fight."

"Sure, Emily." Toby responded, still not grasping the full concept.

"Percy and I will share!" Chimed in Thomas.

"Great, so that leaves Gordon, Henry, James and I."

"I'm not sleeping with Henry! Edward, you and I will share." Pouted James, who stalked off.

"Ugh. I have to sleep with _Henry_?"

Gordon's remark, along with James', made Henry cry. Emily elbowed him in the abdomen, making him shout in pain.

"What!" He he choked out, doubling over.

"Apologize." Demanded Emily, who jerked a thumb at Henry, who had tears streaming down his face.

"Yeah, Gordon. Can't you see how sad this makes him?" Whispered James, who was also guilty, but he had realised how bad this one was.

Gordon didn't know what to make of this. He was joking, sure, it was cruel in some eyes, but it was intended to be harmless.

"Henry, come here."

Henry didn't know what to make of this. He stood, torn, between his friends, and a cold friendship with Gordon, or Gordon, who was either going to apologise, or do something horrific. Edward nudged him, and he wiped his tears on his shirt, and slowly walked over to Gordon.

Then Gordon did something even more surprising. He reached out, grabbed Henry's shoulders, and hugged him tight. Or what what you could call a hug. He had seen numerous people do this on the platform, so he did what you could call a hug. "I'm so sorry." He said, rubbing the taller man's back. "I never meant to harm you."

Now, this was a real shocker. Gordon, the proud LNER A1 engine, the 'only engine that can pull the express' the fastest engine on Sodor, was apologizing to Henry, who was often the laughing stock of the Northwestern railway. What really mattered, was in fact, that Gordon was actually submitting himself and allowing Henry to loom over him.

Then the Duchess rushed into the room, breaking the awkward silence.

"Oh dear! I am such a bad host! I haven't offered you dears dinner!" She said, As the Duke and Duchess set about, making what appeared to be sandwiches. "Come! Sit down at the table, I'm sorry, but we just don't have time to set the table!" She called over her shoulder.

There was still awkward silence as the eight of them sat around the round table. The Duke set out eight turkey, lettuce and ham sandwiches.

"I trust that you eight will behave yourselves. We fully understand that, however, you all need education."

Heads nodded in agreement, and Edward looked thoughtful.

"I trust that Edward could teach you."

James made a face. "Pah! Edward, a goods engine, teach me, a _fine engine_?

"Actually, James, I'm a mixed traffic engine, and so are you!" Edward retorted back.

That had earned laughter from the group, some of whom made the 'pouty James' faces. All James did was slump into his chair, but then he smiled, making a goofy face also, earning even more laughter from the group. Even Gordon had a smile on his face when the Duke and Duchess sat down at the table, a giggle or two escaping from the proud engine.

"Ma'am, there's only eight sandwiches." Thomas pointed out.

"Oh, I know." She replied kindly, a smile lighting up her face. "We already had dinner."

"Oh." Replied Thomas, who had picked up a sandwich.

As the new humans tried to eat, the Duke and Duchess had a splendid time watching and helping everyone acquire new manners, and skills. One skill that was particularly funny, was drinking from a cup.

Gordon put a cup of water to his lips, just as he had seen the Duke do, but, spilled it all down the front of his nice, new blue shirt.

"Oooohhh." He groaned. "This is much easier with a straw."

Emily turned her head in mock pity. "Oh, that's too bad, Gordieeeee!" She mocked him, drawing out the _e_ sound. "You should know better." She teased, as she attempted to take a sip from her cup, but slurped it loudly. The Duke grimaced.

"All of you better had know how to drink from a cup." He said kindly, as he helped Edward hold his cup, so he learned how to drink properly.

"Thank you." Edward said, then went for attempt number two. "See, it just takes practice, just like how you have to line up for coal!" He remarked, as Henry successfully took a sip from his cup, without it spilling all over his shirt, as Gordon had done.

"Fancy watering your flowers?" James teased, half making fun of Henry's shirt with flowers, half jealous at his skill.

"No James, I don't."

By 9 o'clock, they had finished their educational dinner, at the Duke showed them their pyjamas. Mostly, they just consisted of the Duke's many pairs of light linen pants, and assorted tops.

"Here, Henry, you first." James looked annoyed at that, but Edward's 'pouty James' face quickly put him back into line.

"Here, my longest pair of pants I could find! Funny story, actually. My wife and I ended up playing tug-of war with that and another pair, and that would be Gordon's!" He said, handing Henry and Gordon their respected pairs. Then, Henry proceeded to strip off his pants, making the Duchess give a little 'oh!' and turn around laughing.

Henry had a hard time pulling on the pair. He held onto Gordon's shoulder (everyone else was much too short), and half-hopping on one foot, and put each leg into their respected pant leg, and then hopped up and down, finally succeeding on getting the soft material over his boxers. He smiled, making a bow, and everybody clapped, as if it had been a show.

"Henry, you forgot your shirt. But, this time, you can use the bathroom, if you like." The Duchess suggested, but the look on her face said otherwise. These people were formerly engines, who had no experience at all with human affairs. It was like raising eight children!

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I need Gordon", said person gasped, "because I can't get my shirt over my head." Henry even demoed, further proving that both he and Gordon have a hard time getting their shirts over their big muscles. So, Gordon, who had rolled his eyes dramatically, helped Henry get his shirt off. Then, he took the shirt the Duke held out to him, and pulled it over Henry's head. "That okay?" He asked, leaving the usual snide remarks aside. "Ye-yeah." Henry replied, adjusting the shirt, which had a White Stripes logo on it.

"Yeah, sorry. I like some American music. Caitlin introduced me to it. I like the band a lot."

The Duke explained, pointing to a record player.

"Well, maybe you can show them tomorrow, honey."

"Good idea!"

Gordon made a unnecessarily big show of trying to put his shirt on, and Emily had enough sense to use the bedroom her and Toby were using. Thomas, on the other hand, had to have the Duchess show him on how to get dressed properly. Toby had no problem at all, but did like the AcDc shirt that the Duke had given him. James requested a red shirt, so the Duchess gave him a red night-blouse made of silk, which was very splendid indeed.

"Oh dear." The Duke sighed, looking at the empty space where Edward's shirt would have to be. "I'm afraid we don't have anything for you. Oh!" He exclaimed, running to the closet, and returned, carrying a tang-top with a yellow _2_ on the back. "It was my old football jersey, but it's washed. You should wear it! I think it's pretty fitting." Edward tugged it on over his body uncertainly, and held his bare shoulders as if he were cold.

"I like it!" He finally said, admiring how the Duke and him were almost the same size.

It was Percy's turn, but things took an awfully hilarious turn. Percy asked for a nightgown like Emily's. The Duchess just smiled, and retrieved a short, pink one. Percy was delighted, ignoring James' snickers, and Gordon's smirk.

"My, my! Percy, you look splendid!" Called Edward.

"Why, thank you, Edward!"

"See, James? That's called manners!" Emily said, smirking slyly

"Okay, everyone. We have no toothbrushes, so mouthwash will have to do." The duke said, herding all of the over to the (rather large) kitchen sink.

"Here, do as I do. You pour a bit in your mouth, but do not swallow it! Swish it around for ten to fifteen seconds, then spit it out. Here!"

The Duke gave Toby the bottle first, who sipped a bit, gargled, spit and giggled. "You guys should try it!" He said, giggling, as he made way for the others.

Once that ordeal was done, the Duke and Duchess led the group to the upper level, where the rooms were.

"Everybody, the master bedroom, where my wife and I are sleeping, is on the lower level. You guys can take whichever rooms you want, good luck with that!"

"Good night, dears!" The Duchess said, and planted a kiss on each person's head (all except Henry and Gordon, she made them bend down), and made her way downstairs.

"Goodnight!" Everybody chorused, earning a 'goodnight' in return.


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N i couldn't think of a better way to do this… sorry!)

James and Edward took the room across the hall from Henry and Gordon's, which was right at the end of the hall. Emily and Toby took the room closest to the stairwell, leaving Percy and Thomas with the one right across from them.

"Goodnight, all." James said, as he stalked off.

"Well, somebody's got to keep him in line!" Edward said as he trotted after the red-clad James.

Everybody else retired to their quarters, the hall snow silent from the 'goodnights' exchanged.

 **22:00**

"Edward, I'll sleep on the floor. I don't want to sleep with you." James said, unrolling a couple extra blankets.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked, worry flitting across his face.

"Yes. Goodnight." James laid down on the (not-so-comfortable) blankets, rolling over to his side.

"Well, okay then." Edward sighed, flicking off the lightswitch (Sir Topham Hatt had explained how these worked) and climbed onto the bed. He made sure that he only took up a small portion, for James may want to sleep there.

 **0:00**

He was cold. Really cold. His cheeks were rosy from the cold, almost as red as his former splendid red paint. James tried to weesh some steam, only to find out that..a part of his genitalia was upright. It felt good, he mused, but everything else was cold. Right. He was a human. A draft from a vent even made him colder. Finally, after lots of debating, he climbed into the warm hot-pocket of blankets that Edward had made with his body heat. Laying face down, he let out a loud moan.

Edward stirred.

"James? Are you alright?" Edward asked, sleep making him drowsy.

"I'm fine." He whispered back, his body enjoying the warmth that Edward had generated.

"Well, okay then." Edward was facing toward him, and he shut his eyes, dozing off again.

 **4:00**

Edward blinked sleep from his eyes. It was still dark, but Dawn with her rose-red fingers gave a little light. Amber eyes stared back at him. He had forgotten that James had crept into the bed, so of course, he had taken his firemen's advice and took up the whole bed. Big mistake. Now his legs were almost pushing James off the bed.

"Sorry." Edward apologised. He moved his legs, swinging them back to his side.

"No, it's my fault." James said, sitting up.

"Hey! You're letting all the cold air in!" Whispered Edward, who cringed at the goosebumps erupting across his skin.

"Sorry!" James whispered back, laying down next to Edward.

"That's quite alright. Let's get some sleep."

"I just forgot that I was a human."

"Mm-hm."

 **7:00**

"Edward! The Fat Controller wants to see you!

"Five more minutes." Grumbled a voice, from a wad of covers.

James sighed, this was unusual.

 _ **Henry and Gordon**_

 **22:00**

"Henry, you get that side." Gordon gestured to the left side of the bed. "A big, strong engi-err, human like me need their sleep."

"But I'm bigger than you." Protested Henry, who batted Gordon's hand away from _his_ side of the bed.

"Oohhoh…" Moaned Gordon in his trade-mark complaining. "Alright."

 **23:00**

"Henry!" Gordon furiously whispered, trying to move Henry's huge torso off of him.

"Hmm? Oh, just go back to sleep." Henry whispered back.

"I-I can't with you _laying on top of me_." He gasped.

"You don't need special coal, do you?"

"No.."

"Then stop."

 **3:00**

" _Henry_!"

Henry rolled over. "Hmm..What?"

"You're on me again."

"No Gordon, you're on me."

Gordon rubbed his eyes, and sure enough, he was laying across Henry, who was smiling up at him, as if to say: KARMA, BITCH!

Gordon groaned. "I suppose in the morning, let's ask Emily how to stop doing this. It's getting really annoying." He said with a huff, and tried to cool his firebox-no, calm his mind. He didn't have a firebox.

 **6:00**

"Henry! What the devil are you doing, sitting on the windowsill two levels up!"

"Look, Gordon! The birds are singing! It's sunrise!"

Gordon was -mildly- interested. Swinging his long legs over the side of the bed, he wobbled (he forgot about being a human. He expected to puff) over to Henry, and leant on the windowsill with him. The window must've been at least seven feet long, so both of them could fit there with ease.

"Woah, Henry. I miss this every morning?" Gordon whispered, eyes drinking in the warm dawn colours.

"Yeah, silly. When I pull the Kipper, I get to see this every day, unless it's stormy. James says it's more splendid than his red paint."

"Look, there's the steam from the Flying Kipper. I wish that I could pull the express. These human bodies are weak."

"But a lot more mobile."

"Yes, Henry. That is true. Silly little tank engines or not, these forms are quite _amusing_."

"Gordon? Why do you talk so slow?"

"Hmmm?"

"Nevemind."

 _ **Toby and Emily**_

 **22:00**

"Alright, Emily. Let's hope that nobody else gets in an accident."

"Accident, Toby? I mean, we aren't engines...anymore."

"That's true, Emily. Thomas seems pretty depressed at not being able to go as fast." Toby said, rolling over.

"You're right."

 **0:00**

A moan drifted through the wall, and it sounded like James.

Toby rolled over.

"Was that what I think it was…?"

Emily giggled. "Oh, boy! Edward, gay? I knew it!"

"Oh, that's enough from you, young steamie. Go get some rest."

"Oh, alright."

 _ **Percy and Thomas**_

 **22:00**

"Goodnight, Thomas!" Percy whispered, looking at his best friend.

"Goodnight, Percy...I wish it was morning. I want to be able to fly along the rails again."

"Oh, Thomas. Don't be so daft. We'll find a way."

"I sure hope you're right." Thomas whispered back, turning over towards Percy fully.

"I'll see you in the morning."

 **2:15**

Thomas was awoken by a soft _thump_. He rolled over to be met with the sight of Percy, who had stubbed his toe.

"Percy? What are you doing?"

"Oh, Thomas. I couldn't go to sleep. I woke to pull the mail train, only to realize that, well.." Percy trailed off, looking down at his human legs.

"Percy, come on! It's not that bad. Here." Thomas patted the spot next to him. "Let's sleep. Just like at Tidmouth."

"Okay, Thomas."

The first people awake were Gordon and Henry. Apparently, Henry had woken Gordon up because he didn't want to go downstairs on his own.

"Why, good morning, Henry!" The Duke greeted cheerily, as he flipped some pancakes. "It's awfully early. Do you need anything?"

"No, sir, I'm okay. I just couldn't sleep, right Gordon?"

Gordon groaned, running a hand unconsciously through his short, cropped (and now rumpled) hair.

"My, my Gordon! You have the most insane bed head I've ever seen!" The Duchess said as she set some fresh fruit out on the counter. "Here, you two must be starving! Help yourselves."

Gordon took a bite, and his eyes widened. "This is amazing." He commented, speaking through a mouth full of fruit.

"Ah! Gordon! Remember what we said? No talking with your mouth full." The Duchess chided, but she had a kind smile on her face.

James walked, no, stumbled down the stairs. As he got to the bottom, he held on to the wall before he regained his sense of balance.

"Heeeerrreee's James!"

"Oh wow." Henry made a 'pouty James' face.

"You two up from your shagging last night?" Called Emily, from the top of the steps.

"Shag….what?"

"Emily!" The Duke exclaimed, eyes wide. "How do you know that term?"

"Oh, let's just say, my driver had some _interesting_ choices of literature.

"Hrmph. Well, the others know nothing of it, so, we will speak nothing of it until SIr Topham Hatt arrives."

"I don't know if they're capable of doing that." Muttered the Duchess to her husband, setting out jam and maple syrup.

"Either way, it's easier to take precaution."

"Precaution for what?" Thomas had slinked down the stairs in hopes of surprising James, but the conversation had gotten so interesting that he couldn't hold himself in from taking part.

"Oh, good morning to you, Thomas! There's fresh fruit to eat while breakfast is in the making."

"Why, thank you, ma'am."

There was a knock on the door.

"Oh, I'd better get that." The Duchess sprinted over to the front door, holding up her nightgown.

"Good morning, Topham!"

Sir Topham Hatt walked in through the threshold, wearing long pants and a t-shirt. A true alternative to the suit and tie that he normally wore.

"I see that everybody's awake….Where's Edward?"

"He was waking up when I left the room." James said, pointing to where his room lay.

"I heard him, he's awake." Toby called down from the top of the stairs.

"But why is he not coming out?"

The room had gotten deathly quiet, save for the bubbling sounds of the pancakes. Edward was known to wake up on time, and at seven in the morning, he should be up by now. This was unusual.

"I'll go check on him." James broke the silence, as he brushed down the front of his red blouse. "He's my roommate, you know."

"Oh, well, I didn't really anticipate that." The Fat Controller replied, fixing his top hat.

James made his way upstairs, as everyone looked in anticipation. He straightened the linen pants, and took a deep breath. Everyone was looking at him. _Here I go._ He thought, creeping down the hall and gently pushing open the doors. What he saw was horrid.

There, Edward sat, with blood running down his arms. Tears mixed with blood ran down his cheeks. Blood was smeared on his side of the bed. James couldn't breathe, it was so….unlike him. Unlike Edward. Self-harm? Why?

"Oh, James. I'm so sorry." Edward said, nose stuffy from crying. "I don't mean to alarm you."

"Alarm me? Why, you're a bloody mess! Here." James used some of the sheets to soak up all the excess blood. He wasn't trained, but he remembered his driver getting hurt, and his guard saying something about 'stopping the bleeding'. So he did just that. The white cloth was stained, but the blood flow had been reduced significantly. He poked his head out the door.

"It'll be just a minute!" He shouted, and he heard someone shout back 'Okay!'.

"Come here, Edward. Why did you do this? What?"

"I-I will tell you later."

James led the way to the shared full bathroom with Emily and Toby, and ran warm water over Edward's wounds.

"Ow! James!'

"I know it hurts, but we gotta clean you up." He said as he used a wet tissue to wipe away the fresh blood, and when Edward's skin was clean, he patted it dry, revealing perhaps over a hundred cuts, horizontally positioned on his inner arms.

"Edward." That's all he said. Edward looked up, smiling a bit.

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever do this again."

"Well, I can't make any promises."

James led him away, down the steps. Sir Topham Hatt was surprised.

"Edward! What has happened?"

"He'd rather not talk about it. We're going to need new sheets, though."

"Okay, well, let's all sit down and have a little breakfast!" Commanded the Duchess, with a tight smile on her face.

Breakfast was strained at first. Edward just picked at his food, and Sir Topham Hatt kept sending out questioning looks. But then it got easier. As sunlight filtered through the colossal stained glass windows, everybody seemed to relax. James made hilarious bacon puns such as : 'my, my Sir. That shirt is so hot, I'm _bacon_ up here!', which made everybody erupt with laughter, even Edward.

"Oh no, that joke's much to dry. You need to _grease_ it up a bit!" Said Gordon, whole face crinkling up with his smile. Nobody could stop laughing, Henry had doubled over, and his whole body shook.

"Tha-that's, hehe, so bad!" Sir Topham Hatt pushed out, body shaking with laughter. "But, we need to get to some more serious things. It is to my understanding that Edward and James shagged last night? Explain yourselves."

"What's shagging?" Edward asked, picking at the scabs on his arm. Henry batted his hand away before he could do any more damage.

"Oh dear." The Duchess sighed, putting her hand to her face, laughing. "I don't think they know."

Henceforth was the awkward and hilarious education about all of that. Edward's eyes widened, and he quickly understood.

"Emily! Have you burst a valve? What are you thinking?"

"Well, it sounded like it. I heard James moaning. I could only assume one thing." She shot back, putting her hands up in defense.

"But what was that moan for, James? All of us could hear it." Henry asked, suddenly worried.

"Bug off! I don't remember making it! And plus. I don't think two men could do that."

Sir Topham Hatt smirked. He knew something everybody (minus the Duke and Duchess)didn't know. He just shook his head, unbuttoning the rather tight collar. "Well, um, let's have a change of topic. Thomas." Sir Topham Hatt turned to him a sincere look on his face. "It's not the same on Sodor." Oh really? Everybody tilted their head one way or another, this news was not new. "But your empty shells are quite...chilling.

(whelp sorry didn't really know how to end or start this one….hahah…...oohhh….)


	5. Chapter 5

(Sorry for the long wait, guys. I had to do several tests and this has just been a generally time stressing period. Not to mention, sigh, LIFE. ungh. Two days at the hospital. Not good. )

Sir Topham Hat flicked open his pocketwatch.

"As you can see, I am a very busy man. If you will excuse me, I have a railway to run." Sir Topham Hatt stood up, folding his napkin up. The Duchess smiled, showing him out the door.

She turned towards the group. "I want you all to do something productive. Edward, why don't you teach everyone how to read properly before the government officials come over? We have to fill out your birth certificates."

"Oh, okay."

Edward led the way down to the long staircase and disappeared through the threshold. Everyone followed suit, trodding slowly down the steps. Once the destination was reached, Emily fell face down onto the couch.

"Oh, I'm sooooo excited." She groaned, rolling over.

The basement was huge. There were huge glass doors that opened up to the wide yard that ended in a green forest. The grey slate tile was cool to the touch. Bright sunlight filtered through the door, reflecting dimly off the pale grey paint. There were small separate rooms containing a small exercise room, a movie theatre, and a mechanic's room. The shelves were stacked full of books. There was a desk that had rows upon rows of art supplies. It was everything.

Not to mention the couches. Everybody loved the giant sofas. Henry stretched on one, taking up the whole space before Thomas shoved his legs off, playing footsie for territory. Gordon curled up in a big leather armchair, while James took up a loveseat. Edward held up a copy of _A Wrinkle in Time._

"My fireman read this to me when I was feeling down. Here, Henry. Read the first sentence."

"It was a dark and stormy night…" Henry began, and everybody tag-teamed. Everybody (including Gordon) was astounded how they could have missed the world of books which was bestowed upon them.

Emily was holding the book, while everyone else looked over her shoulder or something of the like. All except James, who was standing at the double doors, looking at the golden plains to the west and the forest ahead. Edward noticed him, and padded carefully over to where the slightly shorter man was sitting. The red-clad man looked up, a small smile brightening his face. Usually James was vain, and this was very unusual, for him not to be boasting twenty-four seven. It was a little odd, to say the very least. The small smile that crinkled up the corners of his eyes was extremely unusual. Edward twisted the lock open, and pushed one of the doors open.

"After you, sir." He said, with mock politeness. James did a little 'pah', rolled his eyes, and strode past Edward, who followed. The small concrete pad was rough underfoot, causing James to shift uncomfortably. It was he who broke the silence.

"Why'd you do that?" James asked, standing beside Edward who was looking out the window, new clothes discarded on the bed.

"Do what?" He replied, avoiding James' stare.

"That."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You sure as hell do." James grabbed Edward's arms, twisting his body towards him.

"These."

"Oh." Edward was crying, and looked at James.

"When Thomas first came...I...I was delighted. But then you changed. Everybody did." Edward looked down. "Henry, Gordon and you, James, started to laugh at me. Saying I wasn't really useful. And It made me want to be scrapped."

"No!"

"Well, it sure as well did. When Topham fixed me, my chance was gone. But the teasing persisted. Gordon and Henry looked down on me. You saw me as nothing but old and rusty. I wanted and still want to die."

"Edward, I would never do that!" James said, looking at Edward's grey hair. His shoulders slumped. "Well, I guess I did." James let go of Edward, and made way for the door.

"Don't go."

Edward was looking at him. James stood there, frozen in his tracks. Edward took a step, then two, three until he was inches from James. Pale eyes stared into amber, unsure. Then Edward hugged him, hard.

"It was your fault. But I'm forgiving you. As long as you promise not to tease me." James looked down at Edward's neck, and awkwardly returned the embrace.

"I won't leave. Stay here with me, everybody. Please, they need you. Thomas. Percy. Me."

Edward sniffed, not accustomed to humanly functions. He looked up, his face inches from James'. It only took a little more. But engines didn't know what a kiss was, so they just...well...pressed their foreheads together. Keep in mind, dear reader, that they really don't know the line between romance and friendship, so, hence is why things happen.

A whoop came from the indoors. Edward whipped around to find Henry heading straight towards the door, and shooting through it, ran away from Thomas who was lagging behind. Gordon was hot on Henry's heels, trying to keep up.

"That's not fair! You don't get the whole sofa to yourself!"

"Oh yeah, and who says that you could run your branch-line properly? Last time I checked, the workmen's timetables were screwed because of you."

"Oh yeah? At least I don't pull a smelly fish train at three in the morning!"

"Exactly, Thomas. I have the skills to pull it! No one else can! Not even Gordon!"

Gordon was standing a bit to the right of Thomas. That also meant that he was a good fifteen yards from Henry.

"Really? I'm the only engine that can pull the express!" He shouted, running towards Henry, who had turned tail and fled.

"I can pull the express just as fast and as well as you can!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

Gordon had caught up with Henry, who had to begin run out of breath. He scooped him up in his arms and spun him around, and set him down.

"That'll teach you, you small tender engine."

"Hey! Leave my friend alone!" Percy sprinted over to Gordon, and held on to Gordon's leg with all his might, as Thomas claimed the other leg.

"Ah! Silly tank engines, get off me at once!"

"Never!" Screamed Thomas. "Emily! Deliver the final blow!"

"Coming!"

Emily sprinted over to Gordon, and flung herself on his back, thus resulting in Gordon falling forward on Henry. The Duke and Duchess had come out, observing the dogpile of people (Edward and James had made it their mission to make Gordon suffer immensely), laughed at the mess of arms and legs.

"I see you guys are discovering just _how fun_ a human can be. But, that's not all. Have you heard of tickling?"

"I heard The Fat Controller complain' that one of his henchmen kept tickling the other in the break room." Came Emily's muffled voice, given that most of her was buried underneath Thomas.

"Well, how 'bout this!?" The Duke prodded his fingers into the sides of Gordon's torso, making the whole pile fall apart.

"Ohohohoh! Do stop, please!" Gordon shouted, laughing and trying to pry the Duke's hands away, but there was no end. James joined in on the fun, not until Henry tried his neck (as the Duchess had suggested), and made him bend over, clawing at Henry for revenge. Revenge is a dish best served cold, for the Duchess had gotten Henry underneath his arms.

"Ah! Ohohoh!" Henry cringed at the Duchess, who smiled, and turned away to get Edward into the fray, as he had tried to slink away.

Let's just say, Edward's meek hopes of getting away un-tickled was pretty hopeless. James and Thomas ganged up on him, along with the Duchess, gave him the thrill of an electrical chill racing up our spine.

The small glade was filled with the happy laughter of everyone, and soon enough, grass stains and dirt smudges were abundant. The Duchess tutted.

"All of you better go take a bath."

"What's a bath? A human washdown?"

"Exactly."

The Duchess marched all eight engines (or should I say children for now?) into the house, making them pull off their shirts. Not that it was awkward, for as I have mentioned, the engines really didn't know what being topless meant to your persona. So the Duchess paced in front of them.

"Spencer is a fine engine. I will have his guard fetch some proper clothes-the jeans Gordon picked out were hideous!"

"What, Mr. Silver Steam pick up our clothes?"

"Yes, Gordon. He is."

The kind lady occupied the dirty group by reading more from Edward's book, _A Wrinkle in Time._ At least, until Spencer rolled by, and was off with a hoot and a toot. Then something really extraordinary happened. Sir Topham Hatt's two guards walked in, confused looks on their faces.

"Sir Topham Hatt ordered us to 'look after' the engines. We understand that, um, they're humans, and when the topic was brought up, Sir Topham Hatt just said our salaries would increase by fifteen percent and to make sure no harm is to come to them."

Emily looked like she was going to burst out laughing. Everybody else did, doubling over and wiping tears of joy at that one of _The Henchmen_ had spoken. _The Henchmen_ , the two guards who stood silent with chests out, the two poor souls who did The Fat Controller's bidding. It was to good to be true.

"HAHAHA! Oh. My. Gosh. Ha-" Emily wiped a tear, smiling. "They have spoken! My god! Oh!" She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. The two guards just stood still, looking at the troublesome engines. No, humans.

"Oh, and for you, Miss, we brought the clothes required for the-ahem-engines."

"Oh, thank you dear. That is so delightful! Emily, you come with me. We will use the shower in my bedroom. All you you boys have to handle these!" She left, chuckling with Emily about everything.

"Okay boys, Thomas, Percy and Toby with me. Guard one-"

"Please, sir, my name is Mark." The blonde cut in, shedding his long overcoat.

"Okay, Mark. You get Edward and James. Guard two-"

"Jason."

"Jason gets Henry and Gordon."

"Lucky me." Jason muttered, shedding his coat also. He rolled up his sleeves, and followed Mark upstairs, where there were two full bathrooms.

"Mark, I want a washdown." Shirtless James announced, pushing open the door to the full bathroom.

"Wait, James. Getting a bath isn't as easy as you think. Take your clothes off while I start the water."

He filled the tub up while Edward helped James get the linen pants off, James now standing impatiently in the middle of the room.

"Mark, I'm cold."

"Well, you wouldn't be if you were in the tub."

James rolled his eyes while Edward read his book, and relaxed as his body warmed up. Mark then ushered Edward into the shower, and let Edward wash himself. (Edward's diver read a self-care magazine, once.)

James sighed, a sheepish smile on his face. Mark hummed along to the Sodor Brass Band melody,  
squeezing a gumball amount of shampoo into the palm of his hand. He rubbed it into James' thick, greying hair and made lots of suds.

"Mark?"

"Yes, James?"

"Why does this feel so good. Like, better then the washdown."

"Because humans are highly stimulant."

"Oh."

James squeezed his eyes shut, as warm water was poured over his head until Mark pulled him out of the tub, draping a nice, fluffy and warm towel over his shoulders. Edward stepped out, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

A great commotion came from the bathroom across the hall, and Jason burst in, dripping wet.

"Help."


	6. Chapter 6

Toby was wearing a fresh set of clothes, a brown polo with jeans when something heavy and wet collided into him.

"Ow!"

"S-s-sorry!" Came Henry's voice. Toby looked around, and found a naked Henry trembling in the middle of the corridor, with Jason and Mark standing down the hall. "I-I-I I'm not used t-to r-rain."

Jason sighed heavily. Was this really worth the fifteen percent raise? He supposed they (referring to the engines) were still property of the railway. It still counted as his job.

"Henry! Get back in here! You can use the tub if you want. I thought you were over your fear of rain? Plus, there is no lovely green paint to ruin." He said, as he led a dripping wet Henry back into the bathroom.

"Jason, I am ready for my wash-down." Came Gordon's voice. Jason sighed heavily again. Mark rolled his eyes, and set to dry a very wet and impatent James. All for that fifteen percent raise, he wondered. Right. Fifteen percent raise.

As he rubbed off the excess water of of James' body, Mark's mind wondered to more important topics such as if the Fat Controller was getting on without them, or if there was another shooting. The Mainland was a somewhat dangerous place, especially with that American bloke. Trump was the name, he remembered. Well shit, that guy is gonna abolish rights around the world if he keeps up this facade.

"Hello?" A naked Edward was standing in front of him, wrestling clothes onto James. "A little help?" Mark went red in the face. Collecting himself, he quickly tugged the shirt over James, smoothing out some creases.

"James, you are officially dismissed." He announced, straightening up. James made a face and ran out into the hallway, presumably to brag to the others about his clean body. "And don't come back." He muttered under his breath, turning towards Edward, who was struggling to use a towel correctly.

"Mr. Olson-"

"Wait. How do you know that name?"

"Mr. Olson? It's your last name, silly."

"Yeah! How did you know that?"

"Driver told me. He said that he went somewhere called a pub with you on a couple of occasions. Called it the 'Botthams Up Pub'. He said he got 'drunk'.

"What? Charlie?" Mark chuckled at the memory, him and Charlie staggering to his flat after a round or two of strong pints. "What else did Charlie say?" He inquired as he dried off Edward.

"Driver said that he slept on the floor, and woke up 'hungover'. Whatever that means."

Mark shook his head, and pulled on some boxers, cargo shorts and a light blue shirt onto Edward, who walked out of the bathroom and out into the hall. A series of yells followed.

"What the bloody hell do you mean it's undignified?" Jason cried, standing in front of the bathtub.

"I'm not using the same bath as Henry." Was all that Gordon said, crossing his arms and standing his ground. "It's dirty."

"Fine." Jason snorted, pulling the plug and watching all the bathwater drain, soap and all. The whole process took a couple of minutes, during which was very awkward. Gordon was butt naked, standing in the middle of a full bathroom with only one guy with him. Two guys in a bathroom, five feet apart 'cause they're not gay.

Gordon sighed, and sat down. "I miss being powerful."

"How so? Physically?

"Um, yes, Jason. I fear that no one can pull the express as well as I do, and the passengers will be very unhappy. My driver turns the air blue with his cursing."

"I haven't noticed." Jason replied, filling up the bath with warm soapy water. He didn't know if he could bear this any longer, it was just so weird to see engines being...human….

"And, I miss...I miss having my firebox lit." Gordon sniffed. "And I miss driver saying hello to me." Gordon hung his head, big shoulders slumping. "I miss the friendly fire-lighter, who would always wake me up." Gordon's voice started cracking. "I miss the express coaches."

"Woa, hold up there buddy." Jason awkwardly rested a hand on Gordon's shoulder. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed. "How about you and I go out tomorrow. I'll take you to work at Tidmouth, you'll be a help there."

Gordon was still for a moment, then he smiled. "That would be great." He sniffed out as Jason helped him into the tub, settling into the warm water. "That's better."

"Gordon?"

"Hmm?"

"How old are you?"

"Ninety-three."

Jason almost doubled over in shock. "N-ninety three?" He sputtered, sitting down. "You don't look ninety-three. Or act like it." He added, pouring water over Gordon's head. "Your body can't be more than thirty years old."

Gordon sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair. "I know."

"Well, I sure hope you're old enough to drink."

"Drink?"

"Yeah. Alcohol and the sort."

"Driver told me about that once. Told me he got wasted."

Jason shook his head and smiled, rubbing off the grass stains. "I should've known."

"Known what?"

"Your driver. Seen him at the pub before."

"Really?"

"Of course. Him and his lads get smashed every Saturday."

"Smashed?"

"Nevermind."

Jason poured the last of the water onto Gordon then scrubbed his body down. When all the grass stains were gone, he helped the man out and patted him dry.

"Do be careful."

"Why?"

"My body is sore."

"Again, why?" Jason asked, getting suspicious.

"That bloke, Henry, slept on me."

Once again, Jason doubled over as a wave of emotion overtook him. First shock, then disbelief, followed by revelation and ended in humor. "Of course he did."

"What do you mean, 'of course?"

"Knowing Henry, It makes sense he snuggled with you."

"What?"

"I've always seen him as a snuggle-bear!"

"Snuggle...bear…?"

"Nevermind."

Jason finished up Gordon and helped the rather tall man out of the tub. He hurriedly dried him off, and threw some tighty-whites, jeans and a navy blue t-shirt on him. Gordon ran his hand through his curly hair, making water drip onto his shoulders.

"There. Now, why don't you go pester my buddy and leave me alone?"

"Okay. When will you take me into Tidmouth?"

"Uhm, how about fifteen-hundred sharp tomorrow?"

"Fifteen-hundred?"

"Oh! That means three o' clock."

"Okay." Gordon sighed. "Is it okay if Henry comes?"

Jason was taken aback. "Henry? Are you sure? Not James?"

"Oh, I'm quite sure." Gordon called over his shoulder as he stalked out of the room.

Two floors below, Thomas and Percy were having a wild ride.

"Thomas! Percy! You're getting bubbles everywhere!" The Duke chuckled, shaking his head.

"Look, mister! I'm you!" Thomas had made a beard out of bubbles, pushing his chest out as the Duke himself did when giving a speech.

"Quite right!" The Duke said, pouring water over Thomas' head. "Now, you two put some shampoo in your hair.."

Percy's hair is quite curly and frizzy, hence using more than logical amounts of conditioner. After that, the tub was quite slippery so the Duke just made them stand up and washed them off with the movable showerhead.

"Mister, will Sir Topham Hatt come to see us?" Percy asked as the Duke, as he tried to pull out the knots in his hair with a comb. "I wanna go see the mailman."

"Percy, sorry to break it to you, but there's several mailmen living on the island." Thomas explained, pulling on a light purple shirt that said 'live' on the front.

"Well, Thomas, I want to see the mailman who usually rides with my guard on the mail train."

The two were cut off when a loud _ding dong_ came from the front door on the upper level. The thudding of feet followed, and so did the Duke, Thomas and Percy.

Everyone was crowded around the door, trying to see who it was. All they heard was the Duchess speaking very quickly, and after a strained minute or two, three smartly dressed government officials walked into the house, each carrying a black briefcase.


	7. Chapter 7

"Howdy." The female government official said, shaking hands with Edward. "How do you do?" When Edward gave no reply, he just stared at her beautiful brown eyes. "Okay, we're here just to get all the government shit done. Ya know, registered ID's and whatnot."

The whole group breathed a sigh of relief. The woman's accomplices smiled as the Duchess showed them to the sitting room where they could be seated. As all eight, the henchmen, Duke and Duchess sat down, the woman opened her briefcase to reveal a set of tools.

"Okay guys, since we know that you used to be….engines, we need to know your age." She looked around, and nodded as her assistants set up microscopes on the breakfast counter. "I'm going to have you guys spit into this vial-" She gave the Duchess eight vials to pass out. "That way, we can determine your age."

Thomas looked at Percy, and began spitting. James frowned, and began to. For a moment, the room was filled with the sounds of spitting, until Gordon slammed down his vial.

"Done."

A pfft came from everyone else, of course Gordon had to show off. The tall man looked around, grinning.

"And half of you are not even halfway!" He grinned.

The government woman smiled. "Great! Then you can go first!" She said, putting on a pair of sanitary gloves. She held out an ink pad to Gordon. "Put your finger on this…" He did so. "And slap it on this piece of paper." After Gordon did so, the official looked him up and down and wrote down many things.

The same process was repeated for all the engines-turned humans. James was offended that he had to get his finger dirty; the others had laughed.

The officials took a break, and the two men were working at the microscopes for a while. The engines killed time by reading, and the Duchess dressed Edward's cuts.

Eventually the woman and the two men finished, handing the Duke and Duchess a stack of papers.

"What are those for?" James asked, reaching a hand over.

"No touching." The Duchess chided, batting his hand away. "This is for your citizenship."

Edward nodded, eyes wide. "You'd better not touch that. Those are very important papers. Driver told me that when you lose your papers, bad things happen."

Thomas tilted his head, little triangular eyebrows furrowed and thinking. "And what happened after?"

The female government official smiled reassuringly, mentioning to her two assistants to pack up. "I'll have these back to you in a week or so."

The duke nodded, obviously satisfied at the outcome of this turn of events.

"Thank you."

The big family waited until the trio left, leaving behind a notebook with a uniform black pen. Percy gazed at it, and reached a hand out, only to be guided away by the Duchess.

"Not now, dear. Now, let's get all of you fed." She said, shooing the group over to the dining table.

"Can I try a….Driver calls it 'booze'. Can I try that?" Henry asked, sitting down in between Gordon and James.

The Duke whirled around, eyes wide. "Your driver drinks on the job?"

Henry shook his head, damp brown hair moving as he did so.

"No, no. He said that there's a drink called 'booze' which tastes good." He explained, spreading his hands out, inspecting the palms. The skin was rather soft, almost like a newborn...it must be because the engine's haven't been exposed to the outside world in their human forms.

"I dunno, dear. Does he look old enough?" The Duchess asked her husband, inspecting Henry and Gordon at the same time.

"Oh, yes. He looks at least thirty five." The Duke chuckled, opening a beer bottle and handing it to Henry, who raised an eyebrow. The bottle, at least the shape, was familiar to all engines. They were often seen in the garbage trains, one even being the source of a fire!

Henry looked from Gordon to James, and shrugged. He held the bottle to his lips, tasting the liquid inside. The engine's face was unreadable, until he shrugged.

"It could be better, but it could be worse." He said, handing the bottle to Gordon to try. "But I don't get why Driver and Fireman would drink it."

Gordon drank some….and took a mouthful, liking the odd taste of beer. "I'll say. Not bad. Not bad at all." The big man reached across the table to hand it to James, who took one smell of the liquid and passed it onto Edward, who also took a wiff of it and shoved it towards Emily. Emily took a drink, and her face turned into one of disgust.

"Eww! Gordon, how could you like this stuff?" She screeched, wiping desperately at her tongue.

The Duke batted Thomas' hand away from the bottle. "None for you, mister. Or you either, Percy." He scolded, taking the bottle and handing it back to Gordon.

"Why?" Asked Thomas, eager to try the liquid.

"You look underage. You have to be at least eighteen to drink this." The Duchess explained, wringing her hands. "Has anyone seen Toby?"

Emily shrugged. "He's probably asleep, or thinking of Henrietta." She said, trying to read the label of the bottle Gordon was holding. "Nevermind Toby, where's Sir Topham Hatt's helpers?"

The Duchess cupped her hands around her mouth. "Boys!"

The thumping of footsteps could be heard as the two men scrambled upstairs, socks still a wee bit damp from washing the engines. They stood at attention, pose perfect….except, the Fat Controller wasn't there.

"Come, lads. Sit down, for once." The Duke said, beckoning to the table. The men raised an eyebrow, both accustomed to living on their own. If they got free food, however, they were all in. The two gingerly slid into seats next to Percy, sitting straight. It intimidated them that both Henry and Gordon was taller than them...it was one thing to be a locomotive, another to be human.

"Great. Now, let's get started."


	8. Chapter 8

Later.

Dark sky hung overhead, suffocating the landscape below. Warm light spilled out of the summer house, making all animals who crossed the path skid out of the path. Above, two figures leaned in, talking in hushed voices.

"But why, Edward?"

A pause. Edward sat, with his bandaged arms crossed over his chest. In front of him, James held a broken shard of glass from a smashed vase, dried blood crusting it's edge.

Normally, James liked red. Snazzy, beautiful and dashing- but coming out of Edward? This scared him, and he didn't like it. James' innards were twisting and churning inside, half of him wanted to call the Fat Controller, half of him didn't. Is this normal? Why? Dozens of questions ran through his smokebox-turned-head, almost making him dizzy.

Edward thought for a moment, crickets singing an interlude during the pause. He didn't know why. Honestly. The thought of feeling human pain scared him, and it confused him immensely. And he felt happy- but there was something darker down there.

"I….I don't know." He admitted, and James' eyes went wide. "It's almost like…." he trailed off, looking down. "It's just…..a feeling. Fireman always did it in the cab, and when I asked him, he said it made him feel better. I thought it would do the same for me."

James blinked at that. He had expected some torment of emotion, sorrow, pain...and he got this. Edward's eyes seemed empty, staring down into nothing and everything, almost as if he was sleeping with his eyes open. Why didn't Edward tell him that earlier? Did Edward not trust him enough?

"That's…..I don't know…." He really didn't know what to do. At once, a wretched feeling came over him; a desperate longing to be back in his original body- to feel a warm fire, the coolness of metal and oil, and the steady weesh of steam through pipes.

"It's nothing."

"Shut up. It's something, and I don't know what's happening, but something has to be done!"

"Really, James." Edward sighed, rubbing his face. "Everything's easier to explain when you're a train."

James didn't know what to say. Something had to be done, but he didn't know what. At least the Duke and Duchess were talking about it, which is why they were dismissed to their room. Additionally, Edward seemed to know about how humans worked- but he was bleeding, did that mean Edward was broken? And if Edward was broken, humans can't be repaired like an engine can…..so did that mean he was going to get scrapped? Surely the Fat Controller wouldn't do such a thing….if Edward's driver could do it, and still be here, Edward must be fine, right?

"Edward? We'll see you now." The Duke had come up, creaking open the door with a slight hand. He held it open as Edward reluctantly got up and over, casting a last glance at James before disappearing behind the Duke.

James sighed dejectedly. He flopped down on the bed, a soft _thuwmp_ vibrating through his back. He didn't understand what was happening- something to do with blood? Did engines have blood" James didn't bleed whenever he had accidents. He felt fallen that he couldn't hear what the Duke and Duchess were saying. Was the Fat Controller here?

Creaking open the door as quietly as he could, James peeked out of the room, eyes tracking down the stairs and to the eating area where the Duke, Duchess, The Fat Controller and his helpers were all sitting around a table talking in hushed voices. Edward was at the head, hands fidgeting nervously with his bandages. Something told James they were talking about them.

"That's set, then."

Watching as Sir Topham Hatt stood up, James could see him take off his hat and set it down in a tired manner with a steady frown on his face. Likewise, his helpers stood up, but their caps were tight on their heads. Edward also stood, but he didn't know what to do with himself- until the Duke patted him on the back in a reassuring way.

Jealousy was tingling in the bottom of James' mind. Why did they get to talk to Edward? He wanted in on this as well! There really wasn't anything they were doing, right? Did it matter? What did they know about Edward?

"James, what are you doing?" Asked a deep voice, making the red engine-er, man jump up in surprise, shoulder banging against the threshold painfully.

"None of your business," James snorted, turning around and coming face to face with Gordon. Gordon was wearing the duke's to-short pyjama pants, stretched thin around his waist- he expressed his discomfort by tugging at the tight band with a broad finger.

"Is it about Edward?"

James didn't answer. He slunk even deeper into the threshold, giving Gordon a stink eye. He could feel something else- in his chest, it was pulsing, feeling like it was making his whole body clam up and go into overdrive at the same time; immediately, he got defensive.

"What? No!" James retorted, closing the door almost all the way, only to have Gordon stop it with a strong hand.

"I've seen you hanging around him- what's gotten into you?" Gordon grunted, forcing open the door and forcing James to look him in the eyes.

Before James could answer, Henry came up behind Gordon, shoulders looming over James. He had a shadow of a beard growing in, peach fuzz dusting his chin; that was something James stared at; before Henry gave him a look. It's not like it happened overnight, but James just haden't paid attention.

"Gordon? James? What's going on?" He asked, taking up what little room the doorway had left. His voice was low and hushed, as if he was trying not to disturb others in the quiet hours.

"Something about Edward." Gordon muttered back to him, before forcing the door to creak open and James to face the two large men in the face.

"It's-it's none of your business!" James snorted, turning around blatantly and falling on the bed, glaring at the two.

"Why should you care? You never liked Edward, anyway!"

James' comment stung both. Gordon and Henry both knew they made fun of Edward in the past, say, half a century ago. But both of them had mellowed out- Gordon had even considered Edward his friend, Henry and Edward had become rather tight with each other as well. Gordon seemed ready to snap back and point out that James called him 'old iron', but Henry sensed that and put a hand on his shoulder.

"James, you can't keep doing that." Henry chided, making his way into the room past Gordon. "Come on, James. Don't be such a….."

Henry found that James' wasn't listening; for he had been laying down on the bed and had his eyes closed and secure. Gordon grunted and sauntered out of the room, Henry following likewise.

Downstairs, The Fat Controller had donned his hat again with his two men in tow, one on each side of Edward like a guard. Apparently, said controller didn't trust the engine enough to be honest with an 'I'm fine…'

And he waved goodbye to Henry who was waving from the balcony, exiting before Sir Topham Hatt's men escorted Edward out.

* * *

 _sorry this took so long, dudes..._


End file.
